church: follow jesus
me: does he follow back?
me: promo 4 promo?
f33ny: i don’t care if you think obama isn’t a good president HOLY HELL VOTE FOR HIM FOR THE LOVE OF GOD LOOK AT YOUR OTHER OPTIONS
Cosmo sex tip #301:
thunderturd: Don’t be scared of doing something a bit more flexible. While you’re on top turn your head 360 degrees whilst screaming ‘the anti-christ has awoken’.
katniss: let's eat these poisonous berries
peeta: hold the fuck up let me touch your braid
*a friend's speech on my wedding day*
friend: i still remember her hanging up a poster of him, and she told me that she was going to marry him. we laughed about it, but it turned out that she was right.
Me a few years ago: fake name fake location fake age fake dog name put on mask if someone asks for a picture change voice if calling someone
Me now: lol do u guys wanna know my blood type